There is a well-traveled patch of highway between Lawrence and Kansas City that runs through some of the small towns in this and another county or two on the way. It is a non-toll option for those so inclined, and a prettier, more meandering option for others. I’m one of those others.
I’ve spent more than one afternoon traveling back and forth on it, windows rolled down and the breezes blasting across me while the music blares. More than likely, I am singing very loudly and off-key and just enjoying the ride.
There is a man that lives in one of those small towns along the way that I met years ago and fell in love with. Completely.
Watching those words splash across the screen right now made me cringe a bit, and it is for those reasons I need to sit here and finish the story, I guess.
A few things you may know about me by now:
I can be a little dramatic.
I can fall in and out of love instantly.
I am fickle as fuck sometimes.
I protect my alone time rather fiercely.
Commitment is so not my thing.
I have been in dream relationships with a few people for years.
And then I forget.
I always do.
Driving past that right turn that leads to his place was a little harder than usual this morning.
Of course, I had already texted and told him I would be “in the neighborhood.”
Because somewhere inside, I’m still waiting for him to say
“Come on over. Today’s the day.
Never leave.
I love you and I don’t know what’s taken me this long to realize
that you’ve been here waiting this whole time.”
And I’d say something like:
“Oh my God. I can’t wait to know what it feels like
to really hug you, and not the pillow.
And oh my God! It’s going to be so perfect,
and thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you for making me wait.
Because waiting is my favorite.
And thank you for making me want,
since more is all I crave. More is what I need,
and never is my drug of choice.”
It’s a Saturday night, and he’s probably at dinner or at a softball game
with his sons.
I bet we’re not listening to the same depressing fucking music.
I bet he didn’t come home from his drive and decide to bleach everything in sight so he could feel like he had some control over his life and his emotions.
I bet he’s not even thinking about me right now
and part of me understands that I’d have it no other way.
April 13, 2019
MISTER WILLIAM REILLY 