MISTER WILLIAM REILLY

Today, I stand before you today to talk to you about a journey—a journey of self- discovery, of resilience, and of finding love and healing and relationship amidst chaos. Together, let us take a step into a world that may seem sometimes feel familiar yet sometimes distant, a world where the simplest moments hold the greatest significance. 

Imagine, if you will, stepping out of your front door on a crisp morning. The air fills your lungs, and the birds’ sweet melodies reach your ears. The neighborhood is alive with the scurrying of squirrels, their energy infectious. As you close your eyes and stretch out your arms, you feel the warmth of the sun and the gentle caress of the breeze on your skin. This is a place where we all belong, where God’s creatures mean us no harm. Embrace the morning air, the sunshine, the birds’ voices, and let it become a part of you. Step off the porch onto the fresh green lawn, arms outstretched, and become one with the world around us. 

And in that moment, proclaim it to the heavens and to everyone: 

“THIS IS A PLACE OF LOVE… THIS IS A PLACE OF LOVE… THIS IS A PLACE OF LOVE.” 

In these intimate moments of connection with the world, let us find inspiration and purpose. Moments that touch the depths of our souls and remind us of the power we possess to heal and be healed. For me, it became evident during my early recovery journey, in the midst of my shifts as a waiter. Overwhelmed with emotions, I would step outside, silently begging the universe for help. And in those vulnerable moments, I would feel a surge of energy, as if the universe itself was listening, responding. 

It was a partnership, a dialogue between myself and something greater than me. I poured out my grief and screams to the Universe, and in return, I found serenity. It was a revelation that happiness, joy, serenity, and peace are not abstract concepts for other people but gifts available to me as well. The world shifted, and my place within it became clearer. 

I speak to all of us here—the survivors, the addicts, the beaten children who emerged alive. To those who sought solace in the embrace of pillows, who crafted fantastical worlds only children can envision. To those who feared showing vulnerability in public, or anywhere, really to those who never desired to be parents but gave their best anyway. To the fathers and mothers who disappeared or lost themselves in the abyss of alcohol or heroin and pills, and to those who took innocence and left scars. To the prisoners trapped in cages of resentment and sorrow, and to all who never quite fit in anywhere. 

This is dedicated to all of us. 

My journey has been one of constant movement, shifting from one place to another, searching for a sense of belonging. Foster homes, aunts and uncles, and grandmas provided temporary refuge, but the feeling of not truly fitting in persisted. As life unfolded, I became a ghost, invisible among the chaos. Growing up with two addicted parents, the silence of sleepless nights became my sanctuary. I created a world within myself, a show called “The Little Billy Show,” where I could escape. I was the best actor, hiding my tears and wounds, believing they belonged to the character, not to me. Yet, deep inside, the pain and confusion ate away at my soul. I didn’t know words like “bi polar” or “depression” or “addiction.” I only knew the silences and outrages they brought to myself and the people around me. 

Today, I stand before you with a collection of thoughts and reflections from my own journey—a journey filled with ups and downs, moments of clarity and confusion, and a deep yearning for understanding and connection. Life, as we know it, is a complex tapestry of experiences, emotions, and relationships, and it is in these relationships that we truly end up finding ourselves. We do not have to do it alone and I would ask us all to reflect on those relationships this morning. 

When I look back at my past, I realize that sometimes it’s the simplest things that hold the most significance. The moments we often overlook or take for granted are the ones that shape us the most. Waking up, going to sleep, and everything in between—these seemingly ordinary moments are the essence of our existence. 

Yet, in the chaos of life, it is easy to lose sight of what truly matters. We get caught up in our own struggles, our diagnoses, sometimes relationships crumble, addictions take hold, and we forget the beauty that exists within us and around us. But every now and then, life surprises us, offering a chance to reconnect with those we’ve lost along the way. 

Recently, I had a pleasant conversation with an old friend who I truly believed had written me off. But I was reminded me of the depth of our connection and the joy we once shared. It was a “second chance” moment, a reminder that the universe grants us countless opportunities for growth and redemption. We are not bound by our mistakes or the limitations imposed upon us by others; rather, we are given the chance to embrace every moment and make the most of it. 

In this vast and mysterious universe, we are presented with a million chances, each one offering a new possibility and a new beginning. It is up to us to seize those opportunities, to cherish the first, second, third, and the millionth chance we get. Life, with all its weirdness and unpredictability, becomes a canvas on which we can paint our own story. 

To fully appreciate life’s magic, I have learned the importance of being present, of living in the now. The moments of stillness, the deep breaths, and the quiet contemplation— they hold immense power. They allow our hearts to expand with love and possibility, reminding us that life is a gift worth embracing. That people are healing and healing is found in all the relationships around us. 

Yes, life can be challenging, and it’s natural to feel misunderstood or overwhelmed at times. But let us remember that our struggles do not define us. We are resilient beings, capable of growth and transformation. By shifting our focus from the “I” and “me” to the broader perspective of the world, we open ourselves to new possibilities and profound experiences. 

As I reflect on my own journey, I realize that my path has been far from ordinary. From my encounters with alcohol and drugs at such a young age, to the struggles and consequences that followed, I understand the complexities of addiction and mental health and the longing for something more. But even in those dark moments, I knew deep down in my soul that there was more to life than my current circumstances. It took many other people along the way to help me realize my fullest potential. 

Today, we stand here as a testament to the power of resilience and the capacity for change. We are not defined by our past or the labels society may impose upon us. Instead, we choose to embrace the opportunities that the universe presents to us. We choose to seek understanding, to engage with the world around us, and to make the most of every moment. 

I stand here today humbled by the realization that the strongest and most resilient people have crossed my path, whether they knew it or not. And, perhaps even more surprisingly, I have welcomed them with open arms. It’s in these encounters that I’ve come to understand the complexities of human nature, including my own. It is in these encounters that I have been blessed with meeting many of you in this room this morning and I could not be more grateful. Every moment of every day, I strive to pay it forward and give to others what has so freely been given to me over the years. 

Since embarking on my journey of recovery, I have learned to let go of toxic relationships and the need to find solace in the company of those who were also suffering and stagnant. I no longer seek validation or attempt to fix others at the expense of my own well-being. I have realized that setting myself up for failure through such patterns only fuels self-destruction. 

Today, I can confidently say that I am healthier in many ways. For the most part, I no longer seek permission to be happy, nor do I ask for it. What you see is what you get with me, as I strive to live authentically and transparently. I have let go of blaming my parents for the choices I have made, realizing that my journey is my own and that I hold the power to shape it. 

Still, beneath the surface of the grown man that I am, there still resides a little boy yearning for permission and validation. It is a reminder that growth is an ongoing process, and I continue to navigate the complexities of my own inner world. Fear once dominated my life, leading me down a path of punishment for myself and others. But today, I’ve forfeited the right to punish. I relinquish the self-destructive patterns that held me captive, embracing a path of healing, compassion, understanding and support. 

We all have our own stories, our own battles to fight. But through the power of vulnerability, seeking help, and embracing honesty and compassion, we can and will overcome the darkest of times. Each of us has the capacity to transform our lives, to find healing, and to discover that it does get better. 

As I conclude, I must acknowledge with a heavy heart, the holes that exist in our lives where people we know and love used to be. It’s a void that cannot be filled, a place where laughter once echoed and smiles brightened our days. These individuals poured their time and energy into our lives, leaving an indelible mark. Yet, their absence serves as a stark reminder of the devastating impact of our struggles and the subsequent behaviors we subject ourselves and others to. 

The losses feel countless, too numerous to be counted on fingers alone. And there is an insufficiency—a lack of them. The laughter shared in those isolated moments with each of them linger, capable of haunting our waking hours if we let them. Echoes of those random good days permeate the silence in between. 

Just recently, I lost another person to suicide. In the aftermath, I retreated into silence, hoping that silence would heal me. And in a way, it always does. 

However, the true healing comes from being of service to others. Our lived experiences become gifts to be shared with others. I want to tell you today that I see you, I hear you, and I know you. I know the strength that resides within you. Despite the challenges, the journey is worth it. It may not be easy, but it is worth every ounce of effort. 

I am grateful for having known all those who have gone before me. Even if their laughter now haunts me from time to time in secretive whispers, I would choose to be haunted than to have never known them at all. Their presence in my life, however fleeting, has left an everlasting impact. 

Let us honor their memory by continuing to support one another, by reaching out our hands to those who are struggling, and by showing up with unwavering compassion to those who battle addiction and mental health issues. Together, we can bring healing to those who feel broken and alone, and together, we can build a world where fewer holes are left in our lives.